Consequences III

Ten years pass, and we learn that Alex is now a nun in the convent in Belgium. But she is still not very happy. She hasn't got any real skills to use in her work. She does a bit of teaching but one of her little pupils gets a crush on her and the nuns are nervous about this sort of thing. Alex still loves Mother Gertrude, who is now a senior nun in the Liege convent, but she is getting worn out. She has been struggling for years to persuade herself that she has a vocation and that she is in the right place, but she is running out of energy. She is often ill. But she felt when she came to stay at the convent that she had no real option but to go into the order. Her family didn't want her, the upper class world didn't want her. In the past years, things have changed a lot in England. Her parents are both dead. Her brother Cedric has married and so has Barbara. She married a young artist who went to South Africa during the Boer war and became ill and died. He left her very badly off. Alex feels lost. Her family keep in touch but she has no real connexion with them. Her youngest sister, Pamela, is now growing up and ready to take her place in society. She then learns that Mother Gertrude has been transferred to a convent in South America and will be leaving soon. Mother Gertrude believes she did the right thing in encouraging Alex to become a nun, but now she finds out her mistake. When she hears that her idol is going to be sent far away, probably for life, Alex becomes hysterical. Gertrude tells her that she is very wrong to think like this.. She has a vocation and she must obey her religious superiors. She cannot attach herself to an individual or love someone more than God. Alex has always thought of herself as "bad" and these unkind words from Gertrude drive her to despair. It seems to confirm that she is really a bad person and that Mother Gertrude never cared for her. She breaks down completely. Mother Gertrude leaves and Alex tells the senior nuns that she has decided she can't stay in the convent.